Tomorrow is support group for families of brain injury survivors again. I know this has to do me good so why do I worry about it so much. Why do I always think I am going to be in bits. Because very often I am. Facing the reality is hard and talking about your survivor seems so disloyal. That is however the purpose of the group; to offload the stresses and strains of actually living with a survivor of a brain injury. I can't explain what it is like; you realise how sad it is; you remember how good it was; you yearn for it to be "normal" knowing that it never will be again. Seven years ago life was ok; not great but ok. It can never be ok again. Phil is different oh so different; I think I am different now too. I have adapted my life and have some good times but I would give it all up to go back to July 2002 and not go to the party.
The nurses in intensive care warned me that life would be different; I had no idea what they meant. Going to this support group lets me know that others feel this way; others are living this life; some unable to have any good times at all. I have great friends; wonderful kids and supportive colleagues. I just don't have Phil anymore. He looks like Phil but he is not; occasionally he sounds like Phil but he is not. I lost my husband lover and friend in one night.
So I will go to the group tomorrow; be disloyal by complaining about my life; support the others who need to talk too as they support me and then come home and say it was all ok and carry on until this time next month when I have to think and talk about it again..................................
There is nothing disloyal about looking after yourself. You need to off load in a safe place. With people who really know what you are going through because they are too. You all understand each other from different angles, different points of view. But you are all looking out from the same place. A place where you lost someone beloved and you are mourning that loss with every new day.
ReplyDeleteIt is not like a bereavment were after a period of severe pain and deep sorrow, you can start to climb out of that deep cravasse of desolation.
You and the other life partners, mother, fathers and families of brain injury victims are just as much victims if not more as you have to face the the mourning every day.
You do a wonderful job, you are a fabulous mother, super grandmother, a loving wife/carer and a forever friend to a few lucky ladies and I am so glad to be one of them.
I am gonna crush you with hugs on Sunday!!!!
Love you xxxx
Thanks darling this has helped so much- you DO need to be that counsellor we talked about years ago- please pursue it-so many people could benefit- not just your friends but strangers in need of people like you to listen and support PLEASE DO IT
ReplyDeletelove you loads xxxxxxxxxxxx