Moodmeter

Bit fed up.................

Moodmeter

Forgot the mood meter today- NAUSEOUS ................is that a mood?? maybe not..........

Weather determining my mood

Got up at 6.30 had breakfast watched a bit of news and then went back to bed til 10. Why? Because I could!!!
Have since sorted lots of stuff in my craft room; loads of things for the charity shop; uploaded some picks; shredded some docs and now have to face the budget!!! AAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh. Won the lottery last week £10 and again last night £10. I'm not ungrateful folks but can you do a little better next time please. They are obviously not concentrating enough.
Phil said he was going to get up early today because I was at home. ?????11.45!!!
Oh of course the derby match is on silly me- thought he wanted to help me with some jobs.
Have told him I have a couple of things for him to do after the match- we will see. Was thinking of asking for help from kids yesterday but put it off yet again. Phil is NOT incapapable of doing these things he just doesn't!!!!!
Still suffering with horrible nausea; its either the new tabs or still the gastritis not cleared. Have chased my check up up!!!
Supposed to be going out tomorrow night for a Christmas meal but really want to cancel; but I have missed these folks who I am going with so I probably will go. Just not feeling sociable I guess ...........................

Successful

The scrapbook went down well and I was satisfied to hand it over. Because this is the second one for the same person I received some vouchers for Holland Arms craft shop. Really didn't want anything as I enjoyed doing it but I know I can have a nice spend too. I have a little list of stuff I NEED.....................

Nausea

Feel a bit sick this morning - could be the new medication. Have a lot to do today so just have to work through it. Hoping to finish and deliver the scrapbook ( and be happy with it) ; clear more clutter in my craft room; do December budget; and then get out my papers for dissertation tomorrow. Why don't I just have a weekend to sit and watch TV or stay in bed?? One day maybe..............................
mood meter-ANXIOUS..............................

Moodmeter

Need a moodmeter for the next few weeks. Might just add to sidebar. Todays mood INDIFFERENT. Think it will be just one word per day knowing me................

Teething problems

Almost finished the scrapbook for Nicola. Have realised however that although I love the new desk my room is much too crowded. Having to limbo far too much and no surfaces to put things on one side. So once I have finished the book tomorrow the next task (after I have done my budget) is to clear some space in the room. Think I will need to put some of my lovely tools in drawers out of the way. That will free up one full table so it makes sense.
Once again I have enjoyed doing the book . I have more confidence in this one because I was given dates and information with the photographs. That means I have scrapped them in sequence; always helpful.
Next I have Poppy's book to do then Gwawr's then a CJ for January. Still finding it so relaxing but not enought time. Need to make some Christmas cards for work too.
Have got Sunday free this week so intend to do 500 words minimum on my dissertation and spend some time crafting.
Phil will get up at noon as usual so I will have loads done by then anyway.
Need to load his car with charity stuff to clear the bedroom so I can get to clean around the windows.
Hopefully I will achieve all this and more ......................................

Coincidence

Money is the name of the game today, Trish. The vibration from an Eight energy will have you considering your goals and career ambitions along with the income you presently live on. It may be that you want to see this improve, or you want a job that feels more right for you. Whatever the case, today is an excellent time to review this area. Take a look at your budget and your long-term goals. Consider what provisions you have set up for the future and talk to someone if you need guidance.


My stars today on the job evaluation day! I was also talking about making a will- how spooky .....................

Snap Snap Snap

And again- having a go at Phil for not listening!!
Does he usually? Not all the time but I need him to now. Not even meeting half way in our conversations because he doesn't really know what I am talking about most of the time. And even if he did his responses are not always appropriate.
Patience my child I can hear my Dad say...................................

Admit defeat

Eventually had doctors appointment. Not been coping at all for at least three months and whilst trying to struggle on have been getting worse. Had expected to be put back on HRT and that was what I asked for but that wasn't an option offered.
So from tonight I am on Prozac. Never ever thought that was something that I would agree to. My darling Mum was on tablets for all of the life I knew with her and I now know it affected me greatly. I have fought against this for so long.

Phil is upset because he is on antidepressants -are they the same as his? why am I having them? is it because of him? why why why he is asking. I got upset and he tried to give me a hug but it was more of a hold than a hug!!

Anyway lets wait and see . After all this is all about life as the wife and carer of a brain injury survivor. Noone said it was going to be easy!!!! Perhaps they will help - think positive thoughts -- OK
Oh I forgot to mention I have started talking to myself too ha ha ..................

Not a good sign

Really didn't want to be in work today- not a good sign. Could have caused a hurricane with my sighs!!!
Got a boost when my darling Chloe rang me up to say thank you for My Little Pony we bought for her birthday.
Football on so really need to go upstairs and do the scrapbook for Dave. Did some cropping this morning and papers are sorted so just need to choose layouts now.
Am having Friday off and will finish it then.
Was going to cancel the day off Friday and go into work instead but I really don't want to?????
Job evaluation on Thursday and depending on results of that I may evaluate my job!!!
Never thought I would say that but its not been fun lately. Silly thing to say about dealing with death but I normally have fun.
What sort of career change can I do at 61 I wonder. Always fancied counselling teenagers or a complete extreme going into old Peoples homes and doing craft with them. How different are those two things??
Need a crystal ball I think.........................................

Totally bushed!!

First day back at work today. Was really looking forward to it but I am totally worn out.
Had two meetings in Bangor this afternoon and didn't get home til 6pm and then had to start a meal. Snapped at Phil again but he just stands and watches me cook. He says it is because he has been on his own all day but I need to do the meal before I can chat.
He comments about everything I am doing- have you done too many potatoes; have you put salt on that: do you need to turn that down. He also puts things away before I have finished with them; I turn around to use them and he has put them back in the fridge etc etc etc .
Really think that is getting worse!! Anyway told him to go and sit down so now he is a bit cool. Understandably I guess.
I have a scrapbook to finish by Friday- should be upstairs working on it now- not the right time cause I will do it wrong. I have an idea what I am doing with it but not tonight.
Think I might have an early night...........................

New mantra new layout

Changed my layout really because the weight loss tracker wouldn't fit in the original one! Simple as that. Not sure how happy I am with it; comments welcome.
Could use a colour wheel right now but never managed to find one............................

New mantra

If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got.
So you see it is my own fault what happens to me!!
I must take control of the areas of my life that I can. My work; my family and friends; my pleasures; all possibilities where I can do it my way. I think I was fast losing control of even those parts of my life.
But along came "She" again with the wise and sometimes emotional words of advice. I know she speaks the truth. She knows us both and has watched the journey from near and sometimes from afar. I need to be just a little more selfish?? I need to feel comfortable with that?? I need to tell Phil what is making me unhappy?? I need to reorganise my priorties -in- life list pushing myself further towards the top?? I need to stop putting question marks after all these and just do it!!!
I am going to try. My diary will be organised with lots of goodies to look forward to with or without Phil; sometimes his choice sometimes mine.
Puppy dog syndrome is for life but I will not let it cloud my judgement so much. I tell people I am naive but I am not sure if gullible is the better word. I will try to change that. No more mountains to climb my knees won't take it. The challenges I set myself from now on will be for my benefit not that of others. Who do I need to please??? ME............................................
Let's be honest at my age I should know the ropes shouldn't I??

weight tracker??

Trying to get a weight tracker installed. How difficut is this. As soon as you say copy and paste URL etc etc I go green and stupid!!!

Buddah's back

Oh dear sitting here this morning feeling fat again. I had done so well and lost a stone but 10 pound of that has crept back on . I took my eye off the game and let other things distract me. I will get back to it as I was feeling so much more comfortable. My stomach was better, my clothes fit nicer and I generally felt more comfortable. Not like this little buddah!!
So the plan is: after going out for my meal with Angie tomorrow I will get back on track. I will go back to what I was doing before which was working so "good to know diets " here I come. I need the discipline you see. Need someone looking over my shoulder who will ask me once a week how have you done? Not in a judgemental way but in a supportive manner. So that is on the agenda for next week as well as sorting out my "indulgence" budget so that I save a little often and cover all my naughty costs before they happen.
I used to be organised in so many ways; I need to get back there I am much happier being in control of the things that I can be. Makes the other things easier to accept. "She" gave me a card recently stating just that. Accept the things you cannot change. I am trying......................................

The calm after the storm

What a lovely day. Yesterday was wild and today the sun is shining and the sky is bright. Happens with life too. Puppy dog syndrome can be a curse. I was back to parent last night scolding child!! Two bottles of wine despite my request not to?? I need a new mantra..........................

MIZPAH

May the Lord watch over thee and me when we are parted one from the other. That is what my NEW tattoo means. I love it. Ben reckons I am working towards a cuff but I think I am heading for a sleeve!!
Horrendous day weather wise. Got buffeted and blown everywhere both in the car and out. Arrived at Tracys and promptly fell into her house cause I couldn't see where I was going!! Stayed for a lovely natter and a pannad.
Going to Trearddur Bay for lunch with Sue tomorrow. That will be rough right on the headland. But it isn't cold??? Really wierd weather.
Sitting comfortably now in my dressing gown ready for Children in Need concert.

Managed to do my job evaluation this morning - hoping it will lead to a payrise but not holding my breath. Couldn't love my job more than I do but a payrise would make me smile so much more on payday. It would also fund this extravagant lifestyle I am sliding into!! Budget says Sam. Budget says "She". Spend says me because I am worth it......................................................

Week off ???

Well just a quick dip in to say I am half way through my week off and have hardly done anything on the list. Apart from getting the desk up and beginning to sort my craft room which will take another couple of weeks, I am still looking at the list and trying to work it out.
Sent a text to "She" yesterday of all the things I need to do this week before going back to work and it scared me!!!

I am so glad I had the weekend at Forest Hills. It was once again fabulous and quality time with "She". Rosemary and Nige and their team of lovelies are the best and made it real fun. Also met some more lovely people who supported "She" and I when we got stressed. Judy; Vicky; Sue and Estella; four friends from North Wales. Hopefully we will see them again next year. Came away on Sunday tired but inspired having booked two retreats for next year!!!!

Have to go and do some work this morning as I couldn't get anyone to fill in for me at a drop in session. It is usually quiet and I just catch up with paperwork but knowing how busy my week is getting I will probably be rushed off my feet.
I am not going to list here everything I have to complete by Sunday or I will have palpitations!!

Off to Tresygawen Hall tonight for the Year of Indulgence 2010 launch. Haven't decided whether to do it again yet. Really can't afford it but its the old story I don't drink don't smoke dont go out with strange men??? But I do craft and that takes up most of my "extra" cash these days!!!!!!
Watch this space.......................................

Once again amazes me!!

Well what did I say? I went into my craft room to start moving stuff around making space for the desk and I knocked some boxes over- not intentionally!! but Phil woke up and actually got up- 10.30 am!! earliest for months.

I am all packed and ready to go- have sent apologies for my meeting tonight as the weather is horrendous and it is a 50 mile round trip. I hate having to cancel but I really hate night driving in these conditions more!! So now I need to figure out how to get shopping for Phil tomorrow before I leave?? Hair appointment 9am so need to get shopping and back by then.

OR I could just make a list and let him go shopping himself?????
Might discuss that; don't need much ????

Always having to make things ok before I go away for a few days. Before- I just used to go and let him get on with it........................

Going to be a long day

Have been awake since 4am and up since 6am. Thank goodness for Sky plus and Oprah- I was weeping as usual!! Marie Osmond did it this time!!!

Well it is going to be a long day. No work except for a meeting in Bangor from 4-6.
Got to pack my case and sort my craft bag out for the weekend; iron a few things; sort the shopping and finances out so can leave Phil some pennies whilst I am away.

Wonder what time he will get up; he knows I am off so you would think he would get up before noon wouldn't you- watch this space. He has to check my oil tyres and water ready for my trip.

Wish the house was cosy; don't know when it last was; I am much more comfortable out of the house.

Need to try and get craft room ready for the desk; Phil has already broken a corner off it!! Might end up with an altered desk!! I am sure it will be ok eventually.
Where is the little man under the stairs?
Time to get dressed for the day; here goes ...................

Take a break

I finished work tonight until 23rd November. Got my lovely craft weekend ahead with "She" and then lots to do next week with housework and dissertation. Will miss work but I have to say the phone has been driving me mad the last week or so- just never stops !!
I will do my usual on Monday morning and make a list of intentions for the week. Then on Sunday 22nd will look at how much I managed.
There are some things booked - tattoos; Rhiwafallen; maybe lunch with Sue if she is available?? The rest of the week will be head down and do as much as I can.
Hope my energy levels can cope............................

Too tired to blog

Sorry I am just too tired .....................................

HRT

Ok so maybe coming off the patches was not such a good idea. If I think back I haven't felt right since then. Maybe many coincidences but I don't think so. I have been on them since 1997 and have always felt great; hardly got colds ; rarely been ill; never had a day off work sick; then they started to suggest (the GP's that is) that I come off them. I refused to even think about it but reduced the strength for a while. Then I just couldn't get an appointment to fit so decided it was a good time to try and stop them because I didn't have any left.
I feel sluggish all the time; my joints ache constantly so I have to take painkillers; have just had the mother of all colds and still have coldsores; my skin is rubbish and I feel low emotionally. So what else can it be??
I am having some time off work next week so will try and get an appointment and discuss it and maybe go back on HRT?? in some form or another.
Can't cope with these mood swings especially when I used to complain about Phil's!!
And can't cope with snapping at Phil when it feels so bad afterwards. Like guilt trip after scolding a child!!!.......................................

Tetchy!!

Does consuming too much chocolate make you tetchy??
I snapped at Phil last night which I don't do often these days. Had a choco headache was really tired and fed up with him asking me the same question 4 times as if it were the first time he had asked.
His wine and my chocolate obviously do not mix- must note that but actually after my "laboured" loo call this morning (too much information???) I have decided that chocolate is OUT. It really is bad for me in every way. So I guess I will be on the fudge and nougat if I have to have sweeties!!

Watched Robbie Williams last night and was expecting to be disappointed but once again I was blown away. He is just amazing and I hope that he settles down with his lady and enjoys his life instead of battling with it. He is a born entertainer and could sing baa baa black sheep and capture the audience. Saw him in Amsterdam and would love to go to see him again.

Well my desk is in Focus. So much for telling me it would be another two weeks. I am tempted to collect it today but then I know that it will take Phil a while to sort it and then maybe not to my satisfaction???
Would like a do it yourself man in the cupboard under the stairs!!!

This is my second weekend off on the trot and I am hoping to achieve more this time than last- I say that every time I have a weekend off!! Have to take a bit of time to rest but so much to do and sort. Perhaps I should start with organising my diary now that I will have to fit Headway in somewhere again. Phil is telling me not to get my hopes up about that in case it goes wrong but I am an optimist so here's hoping.....................................

Sweet tooth

Why oh why has my sweet tooth returned with a vengeance. I have been able to control it for the last few months but it is back, I am even tempted to use 2 sweetex!! Is it the cold weather?? I went to Tescos last night bought dog meat and milk and then wandered and bought after eight mints aero bubbles ben and jerrys ice cream and toffee cheesecake!! What is that all about?
So the chocolate is well gone and I feel really lethargic again this morning. Any tips for sweet tooth destruction please. Was told Vit B12 but have tried that and it doesnt seem to work. Think I will get some cashew nuts for tonight and see if I can break the habit- but they are fattening aren't they??
I never used to eat anything after my evening meal but now I really feel the need - not through hunger????
My midriff is back so really need to do something quick.

Got another weekend off - very unusual- need to do uni work; more tidying of craft room; decluttering stuff for headway shop; and I need to rest a bit; the last two weeks have been more hectic than I like. Really missed Gwawr in the office for the company as well as the help. Hope she is back next week fit and well....................

Struggle

The last few mornings have been a struggle. I really can't get going. Maybe November is slightly too busy for my brain? Maybe I am a bit more skint than I would like to be? Maybe Julie is away and I miss her? Maybe Phil's moods are rubbing off? Maybe work is just a sea of never decreasing papers? And maybe I am just really really tired? S A D? I do think it exists; I have recollections of feeling like this before. I am having to put more effort into everything to get results.

I will be ok on 13th when I go to Frodsham with She; will be kept busy for three days having fun.

Qualified success

Well Headway Ynys Mon is going to be up and running again. One of the interested parties was not at the meeting today so I don't feel totally satisfied but the decision has been made by those in power. A new committee will be sworn in on 7th December; hoping Phil will agree to be Chair again ; I might be either Vice chair or Secretary and we desperately need a treasurer- Carol Ann or Sheila?? Not sure that they will be keen to take that role.
Or it might be completely different on the night but as long as it rises from the ashes we will fit in with all of it. Phil has mixed feelings but I am sure once the meetings start up again he will be back to his old self. I REALLY HOPE SO.
Have to keep myself from getting too enthusiastic too soon. Have given Phil the job of getting it in the papers with his contacts. So watch this space-- yet another chapter.
Have just submitted my ethics application for my dissertation. Have done it once but it went astray so had to do it again- what if it is refused ????
Worst scenario --tweek the subject to what?........................

Typical

My desk is going to be another two weeks. Why didn't they tell me that when I ordered it and I could have shopped around.
Well my butterflies fluttered away about 9am. Not sure what they were about.
Tutorial really good. If only I could match enthusiasm with commitment!! Will have to share my week off between housework and dissertation. I love the doing of it but it's not often enough.
Really lethargic today.
Wondering what will happen re Headway tomorrow. Will we ? won't we? It will be such a shame to let it die out but I know it will be hard work to get it going again. Phil says do I really need it? Maybe maybe not but a lot of other people do!! I have knowledge and understanding which may help them so ..............................

Butterflies??

For some reason I have a butterfly "tummy" this morning; usually means something?? I am going to see my tutor but that doesn't phase me so not sure what it is. Not my usual Monday morning can't wait to start the week girl today??....................

I just knew it was the right time- you know when you just have that feeling??

Clean Up Time
It's clean up time for you this week, trish! Wednesday, the Moon in active Gemini trines industrious Saturn, the ruler of your zone of daily activities, and you will get busy organizing your living space. Be sure you buy extra trash bags, because you are ready to get rid of all the old and worn out items that are cluttering up your residence, and that you no longer need or want. You may decide to pay a visit to your relatives on Saturday, as lovely Venus enters Scorpio and your zone of home and family. You enjoy maintaining close ties with your loved ones, but you have been so busy lately that you simply haven't had the time to get in touch with your nearest and dearest. Now you will make sure your family knows what you look like by showing up on their doorstep! Try not to overwhelm a friend with your daring plans on Sunday, as the Moon conjuncts dynamic Mars in Leo in your sector of self. Yes, you are ready to push the envelope in your life, but your companion is a bit more timid than you are and will hesitate to join you in your adventures, so keep that in mind!

Rainy Lazy Sunday afternoon

Sitting here "playing" with my laptop. Phil just got up; he's not well- full of cold blaming me.
Had intended to sort my craft room but didn't want to make a noise upstairs so got looking around my laptop and using a little "tips and tricks book" to tweek a few things. For someone who is pretty useless on computers I LOVE computer magazines. It is all wishful thinking but when I eventually retire I am going to dedicate my life to crafting and learning my way around technology of every sort!!!!
I have all the gear just no clue how to get the best out of it.
Had a lovely evening at Julie's celebrating Gary's birthday and Halloween with the kids. Good laugh; I love it when ALL my kids and their kids are surrounding me. Everyone was there. Kelly was trampolining in the dark - brave girl.
Julie is going on holiday tomorrow so will have to be brave and try and live without her. We have quite a few things organised for later on this year and next year so I am sure we will make up for it. Blood brothers in London will be wonderful now that Mel C is in it- just hope she doesn't have the night off when we go!!!!!
So today is November 1st and the month is going to be full to bursting. Good bad and indifferent so watch this space and see how it works out.................