April fool - that's me!!!

Why oh why do I lurch from up to down. Why oh why am I such a puppy dog?
I have a couple of good days with Phil and then dream that this is a normal life.......and then wham bam back we go.

Am I a carer or a wife? I would like to be both in equal measures which I could cope with; but the scales are tilting and the wife is disappearing fast. In fact I think the wife may have gone altogether to be replaced by a mother figure.
Am I supposed to be looking after the needs of this man? Am I supposed to help him to have his best life? Then why when I advise him NOT to do something do I feel bad.
And why does he make me feel even worse.

Maybe having a few days off is not such a good idea any more. Maybe I am better seeing him at the end of my day when I have got the best out of work and feel useful.

Maybe I am tired again. Maybe the effort is just too much. Is this a holiday from work or is work a holiday from home?

Enough already ------ I have to live this life so have to work out how to!!!
I think I find a good plan and then it fails to work; so I guess I am on about plan Q by now!!

Today I am starting my healthy eating and I had a nice surprise when I got on the scales for my first weigh in. I thought I was 12stone 8 but I am 12 stone 3. That is a better start.
So from 12 stone 3 to around 10 stone would be wonderful and 9 stone 12 would be amazing.

I think I will focus on that for the next few days along with my dissertation. I don't plan to go out anywhere.
Tunnel vision may be a good plan what does anyone think??

So this April Fool is going to try and figure out a workable way of living with the constraints that exist. I read so many blogs by people who are so much more restricted than me but it is the old cliche - this is my life and not as I planned.

Had my hair cut and saw me as a teen in the mirror ( a few more wrinkles but not that many luckily). Oh happy days and oblivious to the life that was to come. That was a good thing or I may have gone to America instead of staying to get married ; but that is another story..........................