Monday, 31 August 2009

goodnight for now

about 2000 words today about therapies and alcohol dependency- I really know how to enjoy myself don't I?. Weather is awful so don't feel too deprived but must go and get something from the village - non veggie- can't fool Phil anymore by putting onion gravy on it!!!!

No more studying until about 12th sept now- unless there is a lot of football on TV and I can sneek through here and do bits after tea. He won't even notice I am not there!!! goodnight for now.......................

Goodnight Mum on what would have been your 87th birthday - love and miss you always-
please blow in my ear tonight to let me know you have got this message. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back for more

Well here I go for Mondays session; hopefully higher word count than yesterday; disappointing when you have had your head in books all day then don't seem to have achieved much. Guess if I was going to make money from this I might have worked harder but because it is just for me well..................not so high on the list ??
Am enjoying doing it but would have also loved to have done some scrapbooking/crafting which is fast becoming my first love?? It is definitely the thing that relaxes me most and brings me into contact with special people. Well this isn't getting the book finished is it? so here goes for another day..................

Sunday, 30 August 2009

now resting

Well I need to switch off . I have managed to do another 1100 words this afternoon so in all a total of 7,700 and I am sure that will be considerably reduced following the editing. Need three times that much and more.
It is now pouring and I think my husband is waking from another snooze. Could it be tea time??
Haven't moved out of the house today so we will probably run out of milk by morning....the price of dedication!!!
Another few hours tomorrow and I will at least have made a statement about "doing " my dissertation rather than just fooling myself. Had originally wanted to complete sept 2008- missed that boat so shift it until december 09 and might be nearer the mark. Will be two weeks after tomorrow before I can get any more done so a couple of thousand words tomorrow would be comforting???

You hear the sound of your voice explaining what has happened, describing the events in painstaking chronological detail. The person listening wants you to jump to the end. In his tensed body you can hear the questions: so what happened? What is the point? But you need to lay it all out.......................................You need to hear your story out loud so that you can make sense of what has happened and what is going on now. You are like a spider, your words the filaments of sound, lines you are spinning to attach the web of your experience to a corner of the world. In this way you connect the thin gauze of this new incomprehensible event to the solid wall of what your life has been until now. In this way telling your story heals you. (Gill 1997, p24)

This is a quote I found in a book called Chronic Sorrow whilst doing my studying. I was blown away by the intensity ......

oh bugger

yes I should have started at 10am
can't even stick to a timetable!! well if I work twice as hard for the next half hour will that count; got all my books in front of me now which one will I choose.................CHRONIC LOSS looks like favourite as it has the most tabs in it; off I go.............................................................

Saturday, 29 August 2009

break before I break

I am having a break now - coming back tomorrow for more
- not sure how many words I have done - probably not enough. Still wondering why I chose Brain Injury as a subject when I could have chosen something more detached??  Do I need to learn more about it well yes I suppose it all helps day to day. have just been downloading pictures of the brain which is scary in itself but seeing the size of the area that has been damaged is even scarier!!! They say that parts can regenerate don't they? how long does it take?  anyone know? how long have we got?? certainly no evidence that is has begun to happen. Phil got phlebitis again and insisting on NOT going to the docs- last time he ended up with a P.E. so watch this space. well time for tea- rissoto sounds good and won't add to the 2lb that I gained in the last couple of weeks-didn't do anything to deserve it honest!!!
back at 10 in the morning- at the latest!! been up since 6am today. guilty conscience?
I wish!!!!!!!!!!!!.............................................................................

Here goes

RIGHT today is the day - dissertation starts here!!
I have done some but so many months ago I have forgotten- but I know what I haven't done so will start with that.
Timetable is:
Thats 20 hours which should get a substantial amount of words completed- well completed to send to tutor anyway- got all my books ready and tabbed so five minutes to go....... and will see ya later ..................................

Friday, 28 August 2009

Busy bee

last few days have flown but now we are at the weekend- am staying put doing all sorts things I need to do some I don't need to do and a little bit of relaxey-vous too!!! maybe a little visit to my island ??
Phil being scarily nice but it is coming up to his birthday- he still doesn't know what his pressy is but will probably put brochure  in with his card on Thursday because someone might just let it slip - have just set up wifi printer first time- I must be getting better and have cleared the dining room table ready for all my text books tomorrow- DISSERTATION or bust!!!!................................................

Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Penny happy

Well Penny Puma is happy with her four new tyres. Phil stressed about the cost but that will be all I have spent all year on her so I am ok with that and as "She" said I spend more than that on papers etc- can't deny it can I?
maybe just go singing at the weekend instead of all week!!
Looking forward to the long weekend to try and do a hundred things on my list- always have big plans .........................

Monday, 24 August 2009


quick update on MOT needed 4 new tyres- one was down to the wire- thank goodness I have never been stopped or I would have been in trouble!! £250 due tomorrow so its a heavy month already- will be around Bangor singing so please avoid the area for the next month!!!!
Meeting this morning with my boss which was really good and boosted my confidence  - for today at least- I am indispensible.... not foolish enough to believe it but nice to be told..............................................

Sunday, 23 August 2009


Another Sunday evening! time is just going too quickly- could do with a nine day week really so I can have a 4 day weekend. Or just start working 4 days?? but then trying to fit 5 days work into 4 days when I struggle now- no maybe not a good idea. Brilliant day today crafting and nattering; missed Mol though. Decided to start CJ just for us and thought of a title so need to work out how to present it. Need a challenge- as if I don't get any!!!
Good to let "She" see what I enjoy and hope she will join us every time. Long way but worth it. Pleased with my little book for Babs - hope she will like it. Busy week to look forward to but still loving the buzz; long may it continue. I just have the best job in the world. Back to healthy eating this week too - need to count calories again or I just go off the rails- still got stone and half to go - know I can do it- for me - just for me.........................................

Saturday, 22 August 2009


A little bit worked- couple of tops -couple of bags - I really needed more!! Tee shirt for Gary slippers for Phil just to show my generous side! MOT Monday and if it is scary I will regret my spending- poor Penny Puma needs TLC but could be costly.
Have at last received some prints of family portrait taken April 08- had almost given up on them- four generations of girls Me Julie Leanne and Chloe; very special-  and one of all the gang together- am I blessed??
Oh yes .....................I am very blessed.


Reading back I have decided that if I was a follower I would have given up by now- what a boring blog-new start today - life is good despite the bad!!!!! (slightly bipolar statement!!)
So will be celebrating what I have and occasionally discussing the downsides- but thats life. Listed what I want to do @ 61 and need to concentrate on that - so with that in mind I am off out for lunch with Angela but might go out early and see what "Next" have to offer in the way of therapy today??
Tomorrow is sorted with the Sunday Scrappers- one of the best days of the month - the other is Sam's crop- especially if I am productive too.........................

Friday, 21 August 2009

Not so bad

Support group was ok. Good conversation and not too stressful; missed Nan being there though.
Didn't stay til the end this time. went to Llandudno but it was really busy and I wasn't in the mood- sorted my phone and decided to get the same again- love the one I have so why change for new style?


off to the brain unit today- think I must be a masochist ( is spelling right?) - know it helps but soooo painful. Therapy group for family and carers- face your life for a couple of hours instead of pretending it isn't happening. I never wear makeup cos I now I will be in bits. Hoping to try and chase up appointment for Phil too before I lose him altogether . Know I am not the only one living this sort of life but think we should all have the best help possible. Some stories are humbling and I wonder what I have to complain about - then I get home and see the man I adore and see how he has changed and I just really want him back - warts and all- would trade it all for that!!- God it has started already and I am not even there in therapy yet- always a tough day so have arranged to SHOP afterwards- always a good distraction.. any excuse says you????
busy weekend too - meal out tomorrow lunch then crop sunday with my friends- my sanctuary right now......................................

Wednesday, 19 August 2009

messy day

stressed at the moment - lost some minutes which need to be circulated- typical - have had so many workmen in office last couple of months (should I reword that?) and got a feeling the file might be at the back of my desk- not accessible !
if they don't turn up tomorrow will just have to put my hands up and say there won't be any minutes at the meeting!! not good for my image!! blonde senior moments by the dozen!!
Learn by my mistakes- I hope so!!

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Back to work

Busy day catching up- always enjoy being at work although felt tired when I got there- got easier as the day went on- several priorities this week

Monday, 17 August 2009

Sunny funny day

Good day today after a rough start- decided to go to Llangefni for 9am- knew I would be home by Phil got up. Went to Home Bargains searching for goodies but not much there ; then went to Judiths to get a wedding die and blade for Tracy. Judith was really busy so was there much longer than expected- got home just in time for coffee after his breakfast- 11.40!!

Started to sort craft room - have decided to swop one of the breakfast bars for a table and chairs so I can spend more time up there. Next thing "where are we going today then"!!!
So we went to the jam factory which I want to buy- so many outbuildings could do 24hr crops!!!
7 days a week!!!!
then off to Llynnon mill for coffee and scone- very pleasant day- bit more tidying when we got home - nearly time for tea............
so a good day...................................... a really good day...................................

Sunday, 16 August 2009

post script

How to cheer myself up? Go shop at my Island!!

A little light

Spent the day at Sam's crop- always guaranteed to chill me out-
finished another mini book and pleased with the results-but the day went too quick and arrived home to "The Quiet Man" again.
Struggling with what to do- selfish and guilty or considerate and resentful. I have a book called the Selfish Pig's guide to Caring- supposed to be a tongue in cheek look at life as a carer but it is so close to the truth.
My stars say that this is the time to make changes but for that you need courage- not something I possess. Just have to hope that fate shows me the way- it usually does.
The rest of the evening looks as if it will be spent in silence now - I complained again - should know better.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Where to begin

I decided to start this blog to help myself. I have so many things in my head, most of them unclear, so if I write them down they may begin to make sense; and if they don't then it was worth a try.