Back to work

I have enjoyed being off even though I have been shackled to my laptop for 5 days. I have put a lot of work in but am disappointed that I did not finish it. Each time I found a subject I researched it some more!!
I would guess that about 5 more days should do it but I am not sure where those days are going to come from. I am busy every Saturday this month and only have one Sunday free!! So it will have to be snatched hours here and there.
It has to be handed in by the end of December as I have had 3 months extension already.
I think Phil will be glad to see me back to work today. He has had to be a little more active whilst I have been here although it has still been rising at noon every day!!
Work is going to be challenging since my colleague resigned. Waiting for my Management Committee to decide what to do but until then I am just doing my own stuff which is more than enough to keep me busy.................

DAY THREE

Wish I had carried on with my speed typing training all those years ago. Never mind I am getting all the information typed up quite well but think I need a little walk now. Don't want to get DVT!!

Another couple of hours to do today and then full day tomorrow.
If I add it up I have probably spent around 17 hrs typing and researching so far. Had planned to do 16 hours over my 4 days off but once I get going I just don't want to stop.

Only one problem...once again I have not missed work at all!! I really could retire
(if I could afford to). I have so much to fill my time even after I have finished this dissertation. Wonder if it is the seven year itch. It will be 7 yrs in May since I started working for Cruse ( I volunteered for 3 years before that).

Anyway need to get that thought OUT of my head. I have a mortgage to pay and a lifestyle to maintain.................................

31.12.2009

That was a post that was. When I read it now I remember thinking that life was going to be ok. I had fought so many battles in 2009 and thought I had won. How wrong can you be. Brain injury is like that. Brain injury and alcohol dependency is even worse.
Maybe it would work better if Phil had one of those and I had the other?? Now I am joking so is that a good sign??
Phil asked me the other day if we can go back to being in love again. What could I say? My response was just " I don't know".

Anyway I am having 4 days off work to do my dissertation. From living with brain injury to researching it. Hope it is going to be a good submission in December. Just sitting here looking at my timetable for the next 4 days I know I will have to be so disciplined. Not a word that has been easy for the last eight years but here I go ... watch this space..........

Still not a good time to come out.

Still living in my negative bubble so not sure it is the right time to come back. Have lost the ability and energy to try and change things. Maybe 2011 will be "fight back" year?? I can only hope ..................

Almost there.........

Peeping out from under the covers but not quite ready to come out yet..............

CLOSED FOR PERSONAL MAINTENANCE.............................

Forward looking

Ok so the wedding is over and the happy couple are now away on their honeymoon. The photos will be drifting in and the day will be added to the list of memories.

Real life- back to work; the weather is rough and the rest of the month is busy. Just how I like it.

I have also decided once and for all to close my blog. I will pop by and see others but mine has become redundant now. If I find it boring how can I expect others to follow it. And I may be taking a different journey and am not sure if it will be worth sharing.

So for the last time - signing out and thanks to those who have encouraged me when I have needed it....................................

Wonderful wedding

The bride and groom looked wonderful and the way they looked at each other warms my heart.
It was great to see family too that I have not been able to visit for some time and my friends as always are a source of comfort to me.

As for Phil- he acted as I expected. Why am I not surprised? It's a shame my favourite Uncle witnessed the real life I have. He cares deeply for me and I could tell he was concerned. I must spend more time with him.

That is another event over and I move on to the next. The next batch are solo events; not family gatherings so I can just consider myself.

I am in the position again where I have to make decisions. Oh how I wish I had a crystal ball. If I could do what I really wanted (which practically is not an option) so many people would be rocked by the fallout. So I just pray for a sign telling what to do. I have faith that it will come to me and just need the courage to act when I see it.

In the meantime..........
I sit and wonder why I looked like the bad guy last night??..........

One more sleep

It's Phil's birthday and it is very low key because of the wedding. In 1969 my dad has his birthday the day before my wedding- life is full of coincidences.
The kids are coming over with a "chinese" later. That will be fun; we are all hyper at the moment so it will be interesting to see who can get a word in. We all tend to talk too much when we are nervous!!! Runs in the family!!

Phil hasn't been mentioned much in my blog lately. It is a period of change and I feel quite sad some days. I have fought so hard to get his medication balanced and now that he is more "aware" there are parts that I don't like. Is it because I am wishing for something that cannot be or is it I just want our lives to be the best they can under the circumstances.

Mild aggression has returned usually after a bottle of wine which he manages to demolish in about an hour. I can cope with that the way I did before the accident. The part that I struggle with is him being argumentative and insisting that I have not told him things that I definitely have.
I hate confrontation and yet my silence only winds him up more.

I really hope he is ok tomorrow at the wedding.........................

Countdown to the wedding

I can feel emotions rising - heaven help me on Saturday. Julie and I just wish my Mum could be there; I am so blessed to be around to go to my Grand daughters wedding. The tension is around us but I know on the day it will be fine.
I think Julie and Ste have done Leanne proud and I am so grateful to them. She is having everything she has asked for - and more!!
All the beauty stuff is booked tomorrow- eyebrows eyelashes nails etc and I do hope the lorry of flesh coloured polyfilla arrives in time. I hope Phil is going to be able to strap me into my corset!!
Looks like the weather is going to be kind to us and I am sure it will be a wonderful day.
I adore my kids and their kids and their kids. How blessed am I?

Oh and it is Phil's birthday tomorrow and I must try not to forget..................