It happened without me even noticing..........

At what age do we stop looking forward as much and look back more?
It has happened without me even noticing. In my quiet moments now instead of planning what I am going to do I reflect on events in the past. Some from the far past and others more recent. I think the future from my perspective doesn't need as much planning as it used to. It just happens. My emotions carry me through whatever needs to be done. It can't be what I expected it to be any longer because there are some ingredients missing from my "pantry".
I fill my days and weeks and much of it is consolations for the future which should have been. So rather than dwell on that I look back a lot to my history. Good and bad; happy and sad; and some which were very very funny.
My childhood was filled with love and family; not much money but lots of cuddles. I hope that my own children and grandchildren say the same.
It was interesting recently when Julie and I went on a course together. She is now also a volunteer for Cruse. We had to do an exercise which detailed our past.
It was difficult to separate the two versions and I was overwhelmed when I realised that I had given her those memories. You do the best you can for your children and are never sure if it is enough but in my case it seems that I did good.................