Analysis

Went to the gym with Julie last night for our induction- had a good laugh especially when I couldn't get up off the mat and when Julie rolled off the exercise ball!!

We had coffee afterwards and I talked to Julie about what she said on Sunday. She reminded me of where I was about two weeks before Phil's accident- on the point of leaving. How had I blocked that out?

Julie always says "be careful what you wish for." I had said then that I wanted Phil to be different . Well he is - I got what I wanted- pity I wasn't more specific.

I obviously have been looking back and yearning for all the best bits. I am living on that memory and really shouldn't. I have lost all the good parts of "me and Phil". All the crap that was then is still now. He still drinks albeit not as much but more often; he still does not like company; he is still paranoid about money; he still doesn't like me going out but in addition to that he has "lost that loving feeling".

Before the accident I always said "whilst the good outweighs the bad I will stay" It was close many times.

So lots to think about and try and be honest about ...................................