Disappointed

I am so disappointed in myself.

I was so sure that I was feeling good and strong and positive and yet today I am back down there wondering if I will cope.
I am trying to do small tasks indoors to get the house back to almost clean and Phil is making it so difficult for me to achieve it.

I needed to change the bedding- don't ask the last time it was changed I really don't know!!!
I stripped the bed after Phil got up at 12.10 today and whilst he was having breakfast so he was out of the way.

We have a slatted bed base so I could see millions of white dog hairs under the bed.
I hoovered the mattress and leaned it against the wall; asked Phil to take the powerful pet vacuum upstairs so I could get the hairs up; he took it up hoovered around the bed and then went to replace the mattress!! Did he not see the hairs or did he just think they could stay there for another three months or so???
I flipped slightly and took the hoover off him to do it myself. He pulled the cord out for me and caught his finger; blood everywhere!!!
I strapped his finger up and then continued to clean up but by that time the atmosphere was awful. AGAIN.

I am now on that couch again. He is out walking the dog; My stomach is churning because there will be silence for the rest of today too.

So what is the reason for all this? Am I not strong enough to let his moods bounce off me? I have never had the ability to get him out of a bad mood in 40 years of marriage so why should I be able to now??

I just hoped that I could do it but I really am not sure today ........................